Saturday night I wore my favorite black slacks out on a date with DH. They fit still even if they were just a smidgen tight.
Today, I wore them again and was unbuttoning them as often as I could.
I noticed yesterday that my belly does not resemble the belly that I know. I've popped. My normal shirts are no longer adequate and although maternity pants are still ludicrous at this point, I'm shortly going to have no other option.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Losing Track
All I know is that there is only about 2 weeks left and I'm out of my first trimester! And honestly, if it was as good as it was last time, I just can not wait!
And I want to say something else here. I am so grateful for my blogs right now. I know that my friends read this blog and have read that I'm miserable but that's not the point of me writing all this down. Actually, I'm not really sure who reads this other than the few comments I get so that's even better. If I just thought people read this and no one actually did, it would still serve the same purpose.
This is the thing...I've been complaining a lot on my blogs and because I have been getting most of it out through that outlet, I've not been saying a lot verbally. I have just a few friends who have actually had to listen to me complain, and I like it that way. I don't like to complain to every single person. So the most I've said to people is this:
Friend: "How are you? Are you feeling good?"
Amy: "Not really, but it's alright."
Friend: "Well, I hope it gets better."
Amy: "It will. It's worth it."
And that's it! And it's perfect because although I've done my share of complaining, it really doesn't feel like it. So for all of you who have slogged through my complaining, you're not obligated to at all. I just love you more for empathizing with me through your comments, thoughts and prayers.
And I want to say something else here. I am so grateful for my blogs right now. I know that my friends read this blog and have read that I'm miserable but that's not the point of me writing all this down. Actually, I'm not really sure who reads this other than the few comments I get so that's even better. If I just thought people read this and no one actually did, it would still serve the same purpose.
This is the thing...I've been complaining a lot on my blogs and because I have been getting most of it out through that outlet, I've not been saying a lot verbally. I have just a few friends who have actually had to listen to me complain, and I like it that way. I don't like to complain to every single person. So the most I've said to people is this:
Friend: "How are you? Are you feeling good?"
Amy: "Not really, but it's alright."
Friend: "Well, I hope it gets better."
Amy: "It will. It's worth it."
And that's it! And it's perfect because although I've done my share of complaining, it really doesn't feel like it. So for all of you who have slogged through my complaining, you're not obligated to at all. I just love you more for empathizing with me through your comments, thoughts and prayers.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Week 9, Day 1
DH has had the week off and we've just been going, going, going! It's been so hard! I've felt like I'm going on half an engine every single day.
Today, I got up and did a few things and 3 hours later, I was back in bed for a 2 hour nap.
Later, DH mentioned to me that he'd been out in the yard and noticed the garden has virtually gone to seed. I had planted so many wonderful things and now there's more weeds than anything else. And he said that he hadn't realized until that moment, how sick I've been and that he really is needed around here.
He also said that my last pregnancy, he doesn't remember being needed to pick up any slack and I'm glad he said that because I really thought that was the case too but of course my memory's shot. I also had been thinking that perhaps I really am a total and complete wimp.
You know what's been getting me though? The heat! I feel like I'm always at least 5 degrees hotter than everyone else. That's part of the reason why I haven't been outside to do yardwork. We went to the zoo the other day and I thought I seriously was dying of a heatstroke. It was awful. What is with me?
It seems like every single bodily need I have is of the utmost urgency - that if it isn't pacified immediately, I will die. Thirst, hunger, sleep, heat, smells - I'm absolutely sick of being like this. I feel so needy.
I also feel really guilty. I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who is doing his best to help me by cooking, cleaning, caring for SP and indulging my needs and whims (all of the time). Bless him.
Today, I got up and did a few things and 3 hours later, I was back in bed for a 2 hour nap.
Later, DH mentioned to me that he'd been out in the yard and noticed the garden has virtually gone to seed. I had planted so many wonderful things and now there's more weeds than anything else. And he said that he hadn't realized until that moment, how sick I've been and that he really is needed around here.
He also said that my last pregnancy, he doesn't remember being needed to pick up any slack and I'm glad he said that because I really thought that was the case too but of course my memory's shot. I also had been thinking that perhaps I really am a total and complete wimp.
You know what's been getting me though? The heat! I feel like I'm always at least 5 degrees hotter than everyone else. That's part of the reason why I haven't been outside to do yardwork. We went to the zoo the other day and I thought I seriously was dying of a heatstroke. It was awful. What is with me?
It seems like every single bodily need I have is of the utmost urgency - that if it isn't pacified immediately, I will die. Thirst, hunger, sleep, heat, smells - I'm absolutely sick of being like this. I feel so needy.
I also feel really guilty. I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who is doing his best to help me by cooking, cleaning, caring for SP and indulging my needs and whims (all of the time). Bless him.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Week 8, Day 6
Dear Amy,
I know that 7 months from now you'll be cursing me for what you can only remember as bad food choices during our pregnancy. I know this because for the four years after SP was born, all you did was look back on what you ate when you were pregnant with her and think that you indulged, feeling sorry for yourself all the time.
Lest you do that again, I am here to tell you what's up.
Please remember that I don't want to eat...at all. But when I wake up in the morning (& several other times during the day), I'm so hungry that I'm in pain and I can't think about anything else. But I am sick too. There's not a thing in the world that sounds good to me (okay: peaches & cherries), least of all the things I should be eating like protein. This morning I ate a PBJ with marmalade because I usually LOVE that combination. It was all I could do to gag it down. And I drank it with milk...yes, milk. Because I can only stomach milk and water right now. That's it.
If I'm eating crap, and you remember it, please also remember that when I do eat those things, they are the only thing that even remotely sounds good at all. I'm not indulging, and if I do eat ice cream or something "bad for me" it's because for once, it's something that might go down. Take for example the small piece of fudge I bought at Yellowstone. It sat untouched for 4 days before I even nibbled at it. It's still not all the way gone and it just doesn't sound good.
And if you're wondering why I "just sat on my butt" for the first trimester, then remember this too. I'm tired. And I have a hard time justifying the energy expenditure when I have SP to take care of too, and if I waste that energy, then I have nothing else for my family. I have plenty of time to exercise. You may think that it's not a waste of energy to exercise right now but it would inevitably end up in a nap - and I've almost gotten to the point where a nap isn't crucial every single day . That's a big step. Just give me a month, okay?
Ease up on me, alright. I know you're freaking out about the weight you've gained and how you're ever going to get back to where you were (like that was so impressive) but let your body just do it's thing for a while alright? Cut me some slack too! I feel miserable and don't need your critique too, because I know it's coming. You're worse than anyone I know! You of all people should know what it's like to be me!
Just remember me!
The Pregnant Side
I know that 7 months from now you'll be cursing me for what you can only remember as bad food choices during our pregnancy. I know this because for the four years after SP was born, all you did was look back on what you ate when you were pregnant with her and think that you indulged, feeling sorry for yourself all the time.
Lest you do that again, I am here to tell you what's up.
Please remember that I don't want to eat...at all. But when I wake up in the morning (& several other times during the day), I'm so hungry that I'm in pain and I can't think about anything else. But I am sick too. There's not a thing in the world that sounds good to me (okay: peaches & cherries), least of all the things I should be eating like protein. This morning I ate a PBJ with marmalade because I usually LOVE that combination. It was all I could do to gag it down. And I drank it with milk...yes, milk. Because I can only stomach milk and water right now. That's it.
If I'm eating crap, and you remember it, please also remember that when I do eat those things, they are the only thing that even remotely sounds good at all. I'm not indulging, and if I do eat ice cream or something "bad for me" it's because for once, it's something that might go down. Take for example the small piece of fudge I bought at Yellowstone. It sat untouched for 4 days before I even nibbled at it. It's still not all the way gone and it just doesn't sound good.
And if you're wondering why I "just sat on my butt" for the first trimester, then remember this too. I'm tired. And I have a hard time justifying the energy expenditure when I have SP to take care of too, and if I waste that energy, then I have nothing else for my family. I have plenty of time to exercise. You may think that it's not a waste of energy to exercise right now but it would inevitably end up in a nap - and I've almost gotten to the point where a nap isn't crucial every single day . That's a big step. Just give me a month, okay?
Ease up on me, alright. I know you're freaking out about the weight you've gained and how you're ever going to get back to where you were (like that was so impressive) but let your body just do it's thing for a while alright? Cut me some slack too! I feel miserable and don't need your critique too, because I know it's coming. You're worse than anyone I know! You of all people should know what it's like to be me!
Just remember me!
The Pregnant Side
Monday, July 14, 2008
Revised by Dr: Week 7, Day 5
I had my first prenatal appt today. I love my doctor. He's so empathetic and nice. I have such better feelings about him than my last OB.
Things have changed a bit since my last pregnancy! First off, I was given an ultrasound today - wow! I only ever had 2 the entire time with SP and the first one wasn't until 20 weeks!
But thank goodness, there's only 1 baby in there and all looks to be in order including a little tiny heartbeat going like crazy! SP couldn't quite figure out that what we were looking at was the baby. She kept saying, "where's the baby, mom?"
Evidently, the hospital of my choice (the one where I work) is too small to allow me to have a VBAC since I've already had a C-section and so I have to go to LDS in Salt Lake if I want to be induced and avoid another C-section. My dr spent a lot of time going over my options and helped me feel a lot better about my labor. He said absolutely he would not allow my 40 hours of labor to be duplicated again and I nearly cried out of relief. I really am terrified of that happening.
I officially haven't gained even a pound yet which is only surprising since I've not been too careful with what I'm eating. I eat whatever sounds good, and I'm okay with that right now.
Anyway, so that's that. Cheers!
Things have changed a bit since my last pregnancy! First off, I was given an ultrasound today - wow! I only ever had 2 the entire time with SP and the first one wasn't until 20 weeks!
But thank goodness, there's only 1 baby in there and all looks to be in order including a little tiny heartbeat going like crazy! SP couldn't quite figure out that what we were looking at was the baby. She kept saying, "where's the baby, mom?"
Evidently, the hospital of my choice (the one where I work) is too small to allow me to have a VBAC since I've already had a C-section and so I have to go to LDS in Salt Lake if I want to be induced and avoid another C-section. My dr spent a lot of time going over my options and helped me feel a lot better about my labor. He said absolutely he would not allow my 40 hours of labor to be duplicated again and I nearly cried out of relief. I really am terrified of that happening.
I officially haven't gained even a pound yet which is only surprising since I've not been too careful with what I'm eating. I eat whatever sounds good, and I'm okay with that right now.
Anyway, so that's that. Cheers!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Week 8, Day 1
BabyCenter sends me the coolest picture every week of what's going on with the baby. I love to get them and see what's changed week to week. The baby's the size of a kidney bean and is getting fingers/toes this week! The little toes I'll be kissing every day (ooh, I love baby feet!)The past few days I've been able to get through nearly the whole day without napping. I lay down after dinner but that's making good progress since for a couple of weeks, I couldn't even get to 2pm!
Food jags are getting bad though. I'm loving peaches and orange juice but anything that smells remotely citrus makes me gag. Any cooking meat throws me over the limit. Soda, the smell of coffee, avocados, cake, cookies, brownies, doughnuts: all are sickening, which could be good.
I don't think I've gained any weight yet since everything still fits relatively the same. I feel bloated at the end of the day but that's typical anyway. It's funny, last time I think I was in maternity clothes by week 11 or 12 but it's hard for me to believe that in 3 weeks from now I'll be wearing them. I doubt it. But I'd already gained about 10 lbs. by now back then too. That'll put anyone into a new size clothing.
I'm officially in the last month of the first trimester and am very happy about that! The 2nd is a good one for me and I'll be grateful for those happy days.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Week 7, Day 5
And the good news today is that I've only got 4 weeks left and I can safely take Ibuprofin again. Heaven help me.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Week 7, Day 4
How about a happy post to contrast the grumpy post?
I was working in SP's room this afternoon when I came across a framed pic of that little cutie the day she was born - probably only seconds after she emerged into the world.
She was very swollen, pink and squinty-eyed. Just precious. In a way only a mother can love...that sort.
But I remember holding her shortly after the picture was taken, and curling those tiny fingers around my grown-up finger and completely forgetting all that I'd gone through for the past 48 hours. How the pain and the needles and the C-section were entirely a memory as I held the product of my past 9 months' efforts. Just beautiful...and remarkable.
I remember looking at her and knowing that every little cell in her body was created by me. That every single piece of her was something my body had put together into an extraordinary pattern. The only part of her that wasn't wholly me is (quite significantly) her DNA. But it was my body that assimilated that DNA into something so miraculous. I did that...no one else. And even 5 months later, still all that made her up was something I'd given to her through nursing. There's nothing foreign in her. I'm not foreign, because I AM her, still (well, of course not anymore but as an infant). Until she took something else into her body, she and I are of the same "stuff". I love that.
I think only another mother can truly appreciate what I'm saying here.
So, as I complain and moan about feeling icky, irritable and bloated (already), I just look at that picture and remember that shortly, I'll be holding a perfect little body of my own making - it's so worth it. I just can't wait.
I was working in SP's room this afternoon when I came across a framed pic of that little cutie the day she was born - probably only seconds after she emerged into the world.
She was very swollen, pink and squinty-eyed. Just precious. In a way only a mother can love...that sort.
But I remember holding her shortly after the picture was taken, and curling those tiny fingers around my grown-up finger and completely forgetting all that I'd gone through for the past 48 hours. How the pain and the needles and the C-section were entirely a memory as I held the product of my past 9 months' efforts. Just beautiful...and remarkable.
I remember looking at her and knowing that every little cell in her body was created by me. That every single piece of her was something my body had put together into an extraordinary pattern. The only part of her that wasn't wholly me is (quite significantly) her DNA. But it was my body that assimilated that DNA into something so miraculous. I did that...no one else. And even 5 months later, still all that made her up was something I'd given to her through nursing. There's nothing foreign in her. I'm not foreign, because I AM her, still (well, of course not anymore but as an infant). Until she took something else into her body, she and I are of the same "stuff". I love that.
I think only another mother can truly appreciate what I'm saying here.
So, as I complain and moan about feeling icky, irritable and bloated (already), I just look at that picture and remember that shortly, I'll be holding a perfect little body of my own making - it's so worth it. I just can't wait.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Week 7, Day 3
Weirdest feelings this weekend! I just couldn't get enough water AND anything protein made me want to be sick. I didn't eat a whole lot of anything this weekend because it all just sounded (and smelled) awful.
And so it has begun in force. I do remember this!
The planning has begun for the room transition I'll need to make. DH told me he'd rather me move my office into the bedroom beneath our bedroom so that there's not a spare room under our room. Unfortunately, that means I have to move all of the exercise equipment out of that room, then move the office stuff down there. Lots of stuff to do, that's for sure. But I'm doing it bit by bit.
I looked at nursery design ideas on-line today and couldn't find a single one I liked. I'm trying to get a few ideas so that when I find out the gender, it will be easier but I'm just having a hard time getting any cute ideas. I'm open to ideas. I literally can do anything!
And so it has begun in force. I do remember this!
The planning has begun for the room transition I'll need to make. DH told me he'd rather me move my office into the bedroom beneath our bedroom so that there's not a spare room under our room. Unfortunately, that means I have to move all of the exercise equipment out of that room, then move the office stuff down there. Lots of stuff to do, that's for sure. But I'm doing it bit by bit.
I looked at nursery design ideas on-line today and couldn't find a single one I liked. I'm trying to get a few ideas so that when I find out the gender, it will be easier but I'm just having a hard time getting any cute ideas. I'm open to ideas. I literally can do anything!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Week 6, Day 5
First off, for all of you who have commented, thank you! You know I love to engage in comment reciprocities but for some reason I wasn't being notified that I was getting comments. That has been fixed so now I'll be able to talk back with you like I like to.
And...oh my gosh. Thank goodness I was dead wrong about the morning sickness. I had the weirdest bug of some kind. It still gave me some twinges today but by late Sunday, the worst had past and I was feeling so much better. I was seriously afraid that I'd have to deal with that feeling for who knows how long. I don't think I would have been able to work, much less take care of the one child I have.
Now I'm back to feeling again, like I'm not even pregnant - which of course is a great feeling. It's always nice to BE pregnant, but not FEEL like you are. There's plenty of time for that.
First prenatal appointment is on the 23rd. Will they be able to hear the heartbeat at 8 weeks? With SP we waited until 11 or 12 weeks. Hmmm. Cross fingers it's not twins!
I bought some maternity clothes today. I got out all of my other ones and am woefully sorry I have such a pathetic maternity wardrobe. Any donations from my friends who are done would be much appreciated. I bought two pair of pants, two tank tops and two shirts.
Who's getting excited???? Me Me Me Me Me!
And...oh my gosh. Thank goodness I was dead wrong about the morning sickness. I had the weirdest bug of some kind. It still gave me some twinges today but by late Sunday, the worst had past and I was feeling so much better. I was seriously afraid that I'd have to deal with that feeling for who knows how long. I don't think I would have been able to work, much less take care of the one child I have.
Now I'm back to feeling again, like I'm not even pregnant - which of course is a great feeling. It's always nice to BE pregnant, but not FEEL like you are. There's plenty of time for that.
First prenatal appointment is on the 23rd. Will they be able to hear the heartbeat at 8 weeks? With SP we waited until 11 or 12 weeks. Hmmm. Cross fingers it's not twins!
I bought some maternity clothes today. I got out all of my other ones and am woefully sorry I have such a pathetic maternity wardrobe. Any donations from my friends who are done would be much appreciated. I bought two pair of pants, two tank tops and two shirts.
Who's getting excited???? Me Me Me Me Me!
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