Week 14

So I've finished my first trimester now, thank goodness. I'm happy I'm 1/3 done now but scared because I'm already much bigger than I was at this time with my first pregnancy.

I actually begun feeling the baby poking me this week. I might have said that in another post but I'm forgetting now. Right behind my belly button, just randomly I feel a little poke and it's pretty fun.

So, here's my first prego pic. I literally HATE how I'm looking but what can you do?

Somewhere in Week 13

So much for my brief period of feeling awesome. It lasted only about 4 days. For the past week I've been having to sleep during the day which makes me feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. Plus I usually wake up with a headache.

I'm glad that summer's nearly over because that means the heat will be over too. I keep thinking that the cooler weather will bring some relief. At least that's the big hope.

We're looking forward to Sept 10th when we find out what we're having! DH finally has conceded that he wants to find out too so I'm very excited about doing that together since we didn't do that with SP.

Week 12, Day 1 or so

For the third day in a row, I haven't napped! Today, I actually felt human again and feeling human is bliss, let me tell you!

The smell of cooking food still gets me and some sweeter smells but I'm regaining my composure and can tolerate a lot more.

And I'm not so queasy and dominated by my stomach, and that is so nice.

I took an actual walk today, in the heat no less. And then I went to the pool and sat...in the heat...for 2 hours. And then I even went to work without a nap! I was tired but it wasn't exhausting. I even considered making something for dinner today but then thought I might be pushing my luck.

But I'm totally fat. And that's the way I look. I don't look pregnant - just pudgy which is great for my self-esteem. Whatever.

I made my appointment for September 10th to find out what the baby is. That'll be exciting.

And, if you were wondering how me and the cat are getting along, we're not. I sneeze ALL the time and now I pee my pants whenever I do, which is frequent. It's annoying. The doc told me I could take Benadryl but it says it causes "marked drowsiness" and that's EXACTLY what I don't need right now just as I'm feeling LESS drowsy.

Week 10, Day 1

Saturday night I wore my favorite black slacks out on a date with DH. They fit still even if they were just a smidgen tight.

Today, I wore them again and was unbuttoning them as often as I could.

I noticed yesterday that my belly does not resemble the belly that I know. I've popped. My normal shirts are no longer adequate and although maternity pants are still ludicrous at this point, I'm shortly going to have no other option.

Losing Track

All I know is that there is only about 2 weeks left and I'm out of my first trimester! And honestly, if it was as good as it was last time, I just can not wait!

And I want to say something else here. I am so grateful for my blogs right now. I know that my friends read this blog and have read that I'm miserable but that's not the point of me writing all this down. Actually, I'm not really sure who reads this other than the few comments I get so that's even better. If I just thought people read this and no one actually did, it would still serve the same purpose.

This is the thing...I've been complaining a lot on my blogs and because I have been getting most of it out through that outlet, I've not been saying a lot verbally. I have just a few friends who have actually had to listen to me complain, and I like it that way. I don't like to complain to every single person. So the most I've said to people is this:

Friend: "How are you? Are you feeling good?"
Amy: "Not really, but it's alright."
Friend: "Well, I hope it gets better."
Amy: "It will. It's worth it."

And that's it! And it's perfect because although I've done my share of complaining, it really doesn't feel like it. So for all of you who have slogged through my complaining, you're not obligated to at all. I just love you more for empathizing with me through your comments, thoughts and prayers.

Week 9, Day 1

DH has had the week off and we've just been going, going, going! It's been so hard! I've felt like I'm going on half an engine every single day.

Today, I got up and did a few things and 3 hours later, I was back in bed for a 2 hour nap.

Later, DH mentioned to me that he'd been out in the yard and noticed the garden has virtually gone to seed. I had planted so many wonderful things and now there's more weeds than anything else. And he said that he hadn't realized until that moment, how sick I've been and that he really is needed around here.

He also said that my last pregnancy, he doesn't remember being needed to pick up any slack and I'm glad he said that because I really thought that was the case too but of course my memory's shot. I also had been thinking that perhaps I really am a total and complete wimp.

You know what's been getting me though? The heat! I feel like I'm always at least 5 degrees hotter than everyone else. That's part of the reason why I haven't been outside to do yardwork. We went to the zoo the other day and I thought I seriously was dying of a heatstroke. It was awful. What is with me?

It seems like every single bodily need I have is of the utmost urgency - that if it isn't pacified immediately, I will die. Thirst, hunger, sleep, heat, smells - I'm absolutely sick of being like this. I feel so needy.

I also feel really guilty. I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who is doing his best to help me by cooking, cleaning, caring for SP and indulging my needs and whims (all of the time). Bless him.

Week 8, Day 6

Dear Amy,

I know that 7 months from now you'll be cursing me for what you can only remember as bad food choices during our pregnancy. I know this because for the four years after SP was born, all you did was look back on what you ate when you were pregnant with her and think that you indulged, feeling sorry for yourself all the time.

Lest you do that again, I am here to tell you what's up.

Please remember that I don't want to eat...at all. But when I wake up in the morning (& several other times during the day), I'm so hungry that I'm in pain and I can't think about anything else. But I am sick too. There's not a thing in the world that sounds good to me (okay: peaches & cherries), least of all the things I should be eating like protein. This morning I ate a PBJ with marmalade because I usually LOVE that combination. It was all I could do to gag it down. And I drank it with milk...yes, milk. Because I can only stomach milk and water right now. That's it.

If I'm eating crap, and you remember it, please also remember that when I do eat those things, they are the only thing that even remotely sounds good at all. I'm not indulging, and if I do eat ice cream or something "bad for me" it's because for once, it's something that might go down. Take for example the small piece of fudge I bought at Yellowstone. It sat untouched for 4 days before I even nibbled at it. It's still not all the way gone and it just doesn't sound good.

And if you're wondering why I "just sat on my butt" for the first trimester, then remember this too. I'm tired. And I have a hard time justifying the energy expenditure when I have SP to take care of too, and if I waste that energy, then I have nothing else for my family. I have plenty of time to exercise. You may think that it's not a waste of energy to exercise right now but it would inevitably end up in a nap - and I've almost gotten to the point where a nap isn't crucial every single day . That's a big step. Just give me a month, okay?

Ease up on me, alright. I know you're freaking out about the weight you've gained and how you're ever going to get back to where you were (like that was so impressive) but let your body just do it's thing for a while alright? Cut me some slack too! I feel miserable and don't need your critique too, because I know it's coming. You're worse than anyone I know! You of all people should know what it's like to be me!

Just remember me!
The Pregnant Side